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Hi I get stressed a lot at school during tests and things like that because I can't take the pressure. What can I do to make myself less stressed?

Wed, 18 Jul 2012 02:38:00 -0400

There are many different levels of stress and from just reading your message- I’m not sure how stressed you get. Severe cases of stress require doctors and sometimes medication but I hope for your sake that you aren’t’ there yet. If you do have major troubles with dealing with stress then I would suggest that you have a chat with your GP he/she may be able to offer you more professional advice and may even give you specific exercises for dealing with these issues.

There is of course the famous ‘stress ball’ exercise which can actually be extremely effective in relieving anxiety. Stress balls are enough related to anger i.e. it’s much better to project your anger physical on a small foam ball rather than punch a hole in the wall. Stress operates in a very similar way to anger in the sense that once translated into physical frustration it may spiral into uncontrollable behaviour.

Deep breathing exercises are a fantastic way to calm you down and prevent your emotions from heightening. When you feel yourself getting stressed just take a deep breath and relax your shoulders.

If these simple exercises don’t work and your stress persists I would advise that you do talk with your GP even if it’s a one-off visit you may find it beneficial in the long run. I am including below a few links to helpful pages which highlight ways in which stress can be managed:

The following link won’t help you during tests but can be a really good thing to do when you come home for school/work and it only takes 90 seconds!

http://thequietplaceproject.com/90seconds

I think I'm gay and I want to tell my friends and family but I don't know how...

Tue, 17 Jul 2012 08:36:00 -0400

Well first of all and perhaps most importantly you need to make sure that you are definitely gay because things will get messy if you tell everyone and then realise that you aren’t. Remember that a lot of people undergo feelings of confusion especially during the teen years. I have a friend that thought she was gay so she came out to everyone and all seemed fine. Problem was about a month later she realised that she wasn’t and her whole “coming out” thing was just to rebel against her strict parents. Then she liked a guy and he kind of liked her but refused to date her because he thought she was gay. Long story cut short: Things can get messy.

Once you are certain that you are in fact gay the next step, as you mentioned, is coming out. Telling friends and family is important because while the majority of society accepts homosexuality now some people remain limited in their views and may challenge your decision. This part of the process is called ‘sorting the purists from the tourists’- it is the point where you get to find out who your true friends are. Most people when coming out are most scared of this part being they fear rejection however I think this is the most awesome bit because it really shows who genuine cares about you and you get the keep the best people as your friends as a result.

As for your family I’m not sure how they will take it but hopefully they will be understanding. Now back to your actually question- you don’t know how to tell people- it is very simple really. I would personally tell my family first. It doesn’t have to be a big announcement but it shouldn’t be “Hope have a nice day, by the way I’m gay ok bye” comment either. Make sure you tell them at a time where you can discuss it afterwards but also at a time where you end up trapped in an hour long conversation (especially if they don’t take it well) so ideally I’m thinking after dinner, before bed that kind of thing.

As for your friends I would tell them individually or in small groups and something along the lines of “I have been thinking a lot recently…” or “ I have realised that I am indeed gay” or “I think it’s important I tell you that…”

Alternatively (I would advise against this to start off with although it can work if you are confident) you can post something in an online message or let people know through facebook. I had a friend which told me and a group of friends that he was gay through a facebook message. He found it easiest because he avoided conformation (he was pretty shy) but still got the message. I have another friends which once they were certain they were gay and had told their family and closest friends, announced it on facebook by changing their interested in: Men/Women thing.

Personally, I think telling people face-to-face is the best way because ultimately they are going to either be there for you or not and you may as well find out sooner rather than later.

Rant over. Hopes this helps. Wishing you all the best.

Who was the "big blogger" asking on anon before? Have they come off anon yet?

Tue, 17 Jul 2012 08:16:04 -0400

Sorry but this is an advice blog. I operate this blog based on trust and I never intend to breach that trust. If you need advice I’m happy to answer your questions but I am not happy to leak information about other people. That defeats the purpose.

I don't know why its so hard for me to come off anon. I suppose because I never have before and I'm also a pretty big blogger. A lot of followers etc. Promise you won't publish?

Tue, 17 Jul 2012 08:13:19 -0400

Absolutely! I promise. Remember: I don’t judge and I certainly don’t disclose private messages to other people. You can trust me.

Will you answer privately if I don't go on anon? ( I have a few questions :/ )

Tue, 17 Jul 2012 08:10:57 -0400

Of course. I only publish anons unless asked otherwise.

http://hereisahand.tumblr.com/faq

Ok! Thanks so mcuh for your advice :)

Tue, 17 Jul 2012 08:06:11 -0400

You are most welcome :)

Sorry to be annoying its just I'm kinda scared of being embarassed afterwards like if people at my school talk about it and stuff

Tue, 17 Jul 2012 08:05:00 -0400

You aren’t being annoying haha this is an advice blog!

I think you will find that many people forget about things like that pretty fast. You seem really indecisive and in that respect you remind me of myself. Sometimes if I am approaching people about things like this I find it helpful to write a mental list (or if you are a visual person physically write it down) this way as you speak to them you are clear and you don’t forget to mention something important.

Also, if you really value this guy as a friend make sure you emphasize that you want to keep your friendship no matter what he says. Best of luck- you will be fine!

Thanks, I really want to go for it but I'm so scared and I was talking to my girlfriends about it and they said I shuodl wait for him to ask me out instead but I;'m not sure I just want to go out with him!

Tue, 17 Jul 2012 08:00:00 -0400

Thats up to you. Some people still believe that it is the boy’s “duty” as such to ask a girl out but that is pretty old fashioned. Many people nowadays would say that girls asking guys out is just as acceptable. If you are really torn between asking him or not just think- What is the worse that can happen? This way if the worse does happen, you can be prepare and if you don’t think you are able to deal with “the worst” (i.e. Him saying no) then don’t do it however I think you will find that either way its not the end of the world.

I want to ask this guy out but I'm afraid of what he might say :P

Tue, 17 Jul 2012 07:56:00 -0400

Don’t be scared! Allow me to introduce you to the concept of skinny love- so many relationships don’t happen because both parties are too afraid to intiate anything. Don’t let it happen to you and good luck!

Your advice is wonderful thank you. Yes, I'm at school and I have been thinking about seeing the school counsellor for a while now but yeah I might see her now. Thanks :) xx

Tue, 17 Jul 2012 05:07:33 -0400

No worries, glad to be of help. All the best!

Hello there I'm a 14 year old girl from America and before you call me stupid I need advice on what seems to be simple but isn't for me! All of my friends have recently started smoking and talking drugs. I have been fighting my with parents a lot about this recently because they think I'm gonna start smoking and stuff just because I hang around them. My friends keep offering me to smoke and I want to try but I'm not sure!

Tue, 17 Jul 2012 05:04:00 -0400

I could never call you stupid! First of all I don’t even know you and second of all who am I to judge you?

Ok so to start off I am going to say that I would never encourage getting involved with smoking for drugs (especially at a young age). Also, depending on your financial situation you may find it hard to support a potential addiction. Sounds to me like you are being subject to peer pressure. If all of your friends are starting to get caught up in that crowd then your parents have a valid reason to be concerned. Not matter how strong you are peer pressure can be extremely difficult to resist at times. I’m sure all the fighting you are having with your parents is because they are concerned for you and they want the best for you.

You don’t want to make any bad decisions so be careful as to what you take and who you allow influence you and your behaviour and maybe you should consider listening to your parent’s advice and making friends with other people. I’m not saying to ditch you current friends I’m just saying it’s probably a good idea to have a “wide range” of friends.

I hope things die down with your parents in terms of arguments and that you sort things out. Any more questions let me know I hope I have answered your question.

Oooh pretty advice blog :) I need help because recently my boyfriend broke up with me to date my step sister who is a year younger than me. She is really pretty and I have been insanely jealous of her ever since her Mum married my Dad. I tried talking to Dad saying that I was upset about it all and I just feel as though he doesn't care. What should I do?

Tue, 17 Jul 2012 04:57:00 -0400

Wow this is a tricky one to start on but hey nobody said it would be easy :) This is an unusual situation- I’m assuming that you live with your step-sister in which case it’s difficult to avoid talking with her. Considering that she is family, whether you like it or not, I suggest that you try everything you can to get along with her. I’m not suggesting you become best friends but this situation would become worse if you two didn’t get along. It’s not a nice thing that has happened to you but you have to remember that your ex-boyfriend needs to take responsibility for this too. You can’t oput all the blame on your step sister.

As foryour ex-boyfriend. It’s unfortunate that he decided to date your step-sister after your relationship however the fact is that they are. And it absolutely sucks for you but the sooner you accept that its happening the sooner you are able to get over it. I get the feeling that you still care about your boyfriend which is understandable especially if you are fresh out of the relationship but I assure you that in time you will get over him and you will find someone else!

As for your Dad, this part of the question stuck out to me the most. In family situations like your own, children really rely on support from their parents, especially their biological ones. I suggest that you have a very clear and frank discussion with your father in which you express how you feel and convey the idea to him that you are uncomfortable with the situation etc. and that you would appreciate his support. If you continue to feel uncomfortable with your situation I suggest you see a family counsellor who could help you deal with these issues. Ideally, if I school counsellor was available to you, you could go and see them (I’m not sure if you are still in school or not)

Hope this helps! Best of luck!